But, never mind, we all have relationships that are sent to challenge us. But let's just pass that by and rush our way to the next letter with barely a perk over our collective shoulders. Because let's be honest, it seems this nonsense is never, ever going to end.Dear Cum Crumpet,My wife is an A-level teacher of sex education. I asked her what her students thought of Wife Lovers and she let slip that the more well-endowed boys loved her. Should I be concerned?Yours nibbling at my nails because her clitoris seems to be permanently required elsewhere.Jobbing Hand (Mr)Dear Mr Hand Job,Concerned? No, of course not. What exactly do you have to be concerned about? This is a typical, misogynistic male attitude. Keep the little lady at home. Your personal whore in the bedroom. A put-upon drudge everywhere else.Your wife disappears off to work every day in pursuit of a fulfilling career; and by the sounds of it, it is very fulfilling; whilst you stay home whining and undermining her wonderful. "Somehow Ivan, one of my father's drivers, found out how my father intended to use me and decided to get a head start on the fun. He snuck into my room at night, and would hold me, telling stories of the old days and people I never knew."He was very tall, but thin. I doubt Ivan weighed more than I do now. His hair was thick and brown, and his body was hard like it was made up of steel coils wrapped over metal beams."He loved to stroke my hair and pet my back and bottom, but never in a sexual way. He seemed to genuinely care for me, and because he was the only one who did, I looked forward to him coming to my bed every night."Ivan was the picture of patience. He stroked my back for weeks before putting his hands under my nightgown and stroking my bare skin. By then I craved the intimate touch, and missed it when he snuck back out. When Ivan pulled me into a hug, he made me feel safe, and warm. When you are thirteen and a half, and no one so much as patted your head, any touch was.
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